Treat them like your own.... ??

I am going to vent a little here. So if you don't like reading peoples complaints... just skip this post!

I have been a foster parent for 8 years now. It has had many ups and downs. We have seen about 60 or so kiddos pass through our doors each one bringing their own "unique" personalities to the table. I have had Asia for about 5 years now. We have tried to raise her as if she were our own. We provided rules and structure for her that we hope will continue in our family when our two boys are in their teenage years.

This last past weekend Asia asked us if she could go camping. Now something we should all remember is that "foster kids" are not allowed to sleep over at friends houses, or go anywhere other than our home for more than 6 hours UNLESS it is another licensed foster home. Now let's all think back to when we were kids. I can think of a million times that I spent the night at a friends house, sometimes the whole weekend. That is being a typical child. It is a part of growing up, developing and establishing trust with your parents and relationships with peers.

Anyways, I told her that she could go camping as long as I talked with her friends mother IN PERSON and knew where they were going etc etc... The last I saw of Ms Asia, she was outside the house skateboarding.... That night I expected a call from her, or her friends mom. No call... nothing. I knew she was camping. I was upset with her choices not to follow directions but I figured that I would deal with the situation when she got back on Sunday. She came home, argued (as always) but accepted her consequence and life went on.

Not so for me. When I explained to her caseworker what had happened I was the one who got in trouble, more so than Asia did mind you. I was told that I should have called her in as a runaway and NOT to treat her as I would a normal child. To always remember that she is a foster child and not to give her any special circumstances. I honestly feel that I handled the situation appropriately. I would have done the same for my own boys. But now I am getting frustrated. My foster children have more rules and regulations than I ever imagined. It turns out they aren't even allowed to go to kids night out at the YMCA (but I was told that they could make an exception since the kids have so much fun there). They cannot jump on trampolines, go skiing with us, get their drivers licence, even if we were to rent a jet ski they would not be able to participate in that activity. Talk about living in a bubble.

I guess the part that really pisses me off (can you tell by me writing this I am getting heated already!!) is that when people outside of the foster care system look at us as a family it really makes me look like the bad guy. Take for example when we have people over for a BBQ. All the kids could be jumping on the trampoline. Someone invites one of my kids and they have to say "No, I'm not allowed because I am a foster kid". It makes me look like an ass. It has happened so many times and I am tried of explaining it to everyone. Just call me the bad guy. I give up trying to treat these kiddos like my own. It is impossible!

Now I have Asia mad at me, because I can't let her go to her friends houses. It is hard to explain to her about all this. She sees her friends being "typical" kids and doesn't understand why she can't do it too.

So Asia!!! I'm sorry. I love and care for you. But it isn't my fault. We will do the best we can okay???

I'm done now and feel much better now!